A Man's World

Today I lived, even more than usual, in a world of men. Frist, I hosted a group of eight boys through the Hogle Zoo. I got to see Eve and Eli, Anndrea's star orangutauns. Eve was tucked in a corner sleeping, but Eli was up and about. He was much larger than I remembered him from his photos. We also sat through a 30 minute bird show that was rather spectacular. What can I say? I love birds. All of the humans in the bird show were male other than the one female volunteer who came out from behind the scenes at the end to get her stifled applause. On the drive home, and much throughout the day, the boys made comments about "gays". "Are you gay?" they would ask. "No, I play it straight." It's so hard to imagine young boys as sexual when they quite possibly have never had an erection. The question is frequently on my mind: what is this thing we call sexuality? I want to talk to the boys about what queer is, because I'm not sure they even understand the definition. But I feel that it is not my place, and more than that, I feel they're not ready to understand. The things they say are hurtful, and they don't fathom how much. Then it was back to camp to teach everyone how to make hemp necklaces. Sikoti caught on really fast and helped me with the others. It was still a bit aggravating though with three children constantly shouting my name while I was trying to help someone else. This is one of the many reasons why I will never be an elementary school teacher. Then it was off to Rumbi's for a mango chicken salad which tasted nothing short of fabulous after my nutritional factor of the day ranging around zero: I had yogurt with grape nuts for breakfast, carrots and PB&J on wonder bread for lunch. On my way there, on 4th South, bloody city central, there were 14 year old girls in string bikinis holding signs that said CAR WASH. I protest Bikini Cuts and I protest this. It is nothing short of prostitution in my mind. After food and Wittgenstein, I headed off to my reading group. It was Rob, Cein, Brian and I. I felt awkward and therefore smiled a lot, making out as a ditz. Can we say defense mechanism? Defense mechanism. Then to ice the cake, I went over to Janelle's on my way home and was barely beaten by Abram in the front door. Soon after, Calvin and then Alec came home. Nelly was drunk off her ass, and again I was placed in the position of sole girl. I wonder if men have any idea what I feel everyday. Namely, that I live in a world run, governed, contolle, and designed for men. At times it seems I am a checker piece on a chess board. (Quee Queg is currently happily tugging away at his new toy. That makes me so happy!!!! First time I've seen him, and I was beginning to wonder if it was a waste.) I also wonder if most women feel the same, or if it just something I seem to notice. And why does one have to dress like a girl to be considered for being considered "one of the guys"? I know I'm bringing up a lot of questions, and it probably sounds like I stress about these problems a lot. I don't usually, I refuse to let my gender become a predicament; on days like today however, I feel compelled to wonder. I'm sick of men talking casually about porn. I'm sick of seeing my girlfriends do tricks for men. I'm jealous of the ease of their lifestyle.